1/7/2017
Filtering the Noise"How do I know if i am making the right choice? So currently I am on the verge of making it official with the guy I talk to. I've known him for couple years now & he was always pretty cool. He's very well known whereas I am the complete opposite. In his past he was known as a "player" "bad boy" the kind of boy your mom tells you to run from when you see them coming. Someway Somehow, we started talking (for about 6 months) & now we're here. I'm feeling him, He's feeling me, but something is just holding me back. He says he's changed, I believe him, I just don't want to be wrong. Can someone really change? All my friends tell me to stay away because they know the type of person he was, but how can stay away I when I've already let emotions & feelings into the picture ?! I like him I really do, but I don't want to be another girl check off of his list. His words and actions seem sincere and genuine but once a player always a player right? I don't want to lose something over the past but I don't want to be stupid either. Should I just go for it?" -Ready but Afraid Dear Ready but Afraid:
You ask if you’re making the right choice, but what would make it the wrong choice? Relationships, as strange as it sounds, are about taking a chance because you have to trust and have faith that your partner is who they say. Without that trust relationships falter and constant arguments, doubts, and soon breakups are the result. The most important thing to remember in this decision is to not let your friends clouded judgement get the better of the feelings you have already developed. You’ve spent this time learning, building, and becoming comfortable with someone who doesn’t interact with them in that same light. Their opinions are based on a man that they KNEW and not a man that they KNOW which is why they believe that he is still the same person and cannot change. The depth of the relationship or “connection” that you have built with him is beyond their knowledge and they have not had the opportunity to experience the transformation that he presents to you. Kate, Gina, and Sally can all have different opinions on how he isn’t the “right one” or show you examples of how he is “a player and will always be player” but none of these examples represents the person that you know now. He claims to be an evolved a person, and somewhere in you believes that is true or else you wouldn’t be talking to him for such a long period or even be considering making things official. If you don’t truly believe that he’s grown you’re wasting your own time just as much as you’re wasting his. What’s holding you back is all the clutter and noise that his past, your friends, and your past is providing and you have to silence out those filters. People do change, it’s just what we do; sometimes it’s for the better and there are times that it’s for the worse, that’s the reality. But, if he knows that the person he was then isn’t the person he wants to be now (especially that changed person with you) give him the chance to do so. You’ve went these six months giving him the benefit of the doubt, so what’s different now? Create stillness between the negative and positive filters that are affecting your final verdict. When you compare the pros and cons that you get from the relationship you have with him his past shouldn’t be the biggest negative. |
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